Do manners still matter? A recent study suggests we may be slipping when it comes to politeness. Find out why ‘please’ is becoming a rare word in our daily interactions.
Summary of the Article
🌟 Highlight: A revealing study by UCLA shows that “please” is surprisingly rare in everyday conversations.
🎯 Key Finding: Only 7% of requests included the word “please.”
👥 Equality Insight: Both men and women used “please” almost equally.
🧒 Generational Trend: Kids and adults are equally sparse in using “please.”
🤔 Politeness Dilemma: “Please” may be more about exerting pressure than being polite.
Study Finds People Don’t Say ‘Please’ Very Often
Most parents strive to teach their children to have good manners and say “please” and “thank you” well before they learn to read. However, it turns out that both kids and adults rarely use the word “please” in daily interactions. This interesting revelation comes from a study conducted by researchers at UCLA.
Surprising Findings from the Study
According to the study, the magic word “please” was used a mere 7% of the time in requests, regardless of age or social setting. Researchers recorded 17 hours of video of over 1,000 participants interacting with family members, colleagues, and service workers in various environments, such as at home and in stores.
Equality in Usage of “Please”
While previous research assumed women would say “please” more frequently than men, the UCLA study found otherwise. Both genders used the term almost equally, with men saying “please” in 6% of requests and women in 7%. Interestingly, people tended to use “please” more often when asking men for something.
Children and Adults Alike
Contrary to the belief that kids today might have forgotten their manners, the study showed that children were just as likely to use “please” as adults. When kids asked adults for something, they used “please” 10% of the time, while adults used it 8% when requesting something from children and 6% when asking from other adults.
Politeness vs. Pressure
One intriguing finding is that “please” is often used not just for politeness but as a form of pressure. In about half the instances, “please” was used to persuade someone to fulfill a request they were initially resistant to. For example, a daughter might say, “Please buy me a dress,” even after the mother had refused, indicating a form of coercion rather than genuine courtesy.
Rethinking Manners
Vanessa Bohns, a professor of social psychology at Cornell University, supports the idea that adding “please” in requests can exploit politeness norms and make it harder for people to say no. This strategic use of “please” suggests that societal norms around politeness may need reevaluating.
A New Approach to Politeness
The study indicates that sticking to a rigid code of manners like always saying “please” and “thank you” or never outright saying “no” might not result in genuinely polite behavior. Instead, focusing on the broader principles of patience and mindfulness towards others may foster more respectful and considerate interactions.
In the end, it might be more polite to be mindful and wait our turn rather than insistently asking someone to “please” do what we want. This insight encourages a shift from strict rules to a more thoughtful approach to human interaction.